Dissimilation
by Nukumi
Summary: He had to be a lot of people before he could be himself.


**Dissimilation**

For all of his life, Uzumaki Naruto had struggled to stop wavering between being Nobody and Anybody and strived to be Somebody.

In his youngest years, he was Stray. On the day of his birth, he was made an orphan and almost immediately placed under government care. There he stayed for six years miserably roaming about from the time he could walk, never quite feeling a sense of belonging and repeatedly asking questions no one would answer. Stray felt like a ghost - looked at but never seen, there but not really _there_. He didn't like being Stray, and when he finally entered the Academy and was given his own living space, he was glad.

As an academy student, he became Slacker. Stray was never given attention, mostly because the only interaction he'd had was when people fed him or bathed him, and not much attention was required for that. At school, however, he had teachers. Teachers had more responsibilities than his old nurse; teachers had to actually _teach_ him something, and that was a task that demanded communication. Stray had been disappointed when he realized that this attention had to be shared by everyone in the class, so to sate his thirst for acknowledgement, Slacker was born. But it wasn't long before he noticed that this tactic only had temporary effects, that after a while, the teachers ceased to care whether a student was thriving or not. After two years, Slacker was no longer getting results.

To regain what was lost, he turned into Jester. Slacker had come into being to get the teachers' attention, but now Jester aimed to get it from his classmates. He learned the art of telling jokes and pulling pranks, learned how to make a spectacle of himself and be the center of attention. Even if everyone was laughing _at_ him and not _with_ him, it was still better than being ignored. He thought this might even help pull the gaze of the little pink-haired girl he liked, and it did. She looked at him and laughed, and seeing her laugh made him smile; was just about the only thing that made him smile. But inevitably this persona also grew old, and smiling faces all too quickly gave way to ridicule. Even his pink-haired dream girl insulted him, and so this alter ego was gradually retired.

When he received his placement on a gennin team, Jester evolved into Rival. Rival had a different agenda from his previous incarnations: attention by itself was no longer good enough, Rival wanted respect. Respect as a shinobi, and respect as a contender for Pink Hair's love. He wasn't just on a quest to prove his existance anymore, now he was determined to prove his worthiness. Rival was brave, foolishly so, and was always ready to lay everything on the line. Again, he was scorned, but mixed in with those who scorned him were a few who had begun to respect him. Little by little, as he went more places and met more people, Rival gained support and got stronger. For a time, he was happy. But then the Teme had to go and ruin it by trying to leave, and Rival couldn't accept that. Not being able to stop his teammate had been the last straw.

At thirteen years old, Rival was falling apart, and the Pervy Sage whisked him far, far away from his troubles. He didn't have time to worry over attention or respect or love anymore, all he had time to do was _train_, and so he did. And slowly, Rival had faded away and one day Hero stood in his place. Hero was strong, stronger than any of his previous alter egos had ever thought he could be. Hero could protect the people he'd come to consider precious and was finally able to have everyone's acknowledgement and respect. And Hero was almost happy, but one thing was missing.

Hero was now _appreciated_, but still not yet _loved_.

Despite all of his successes, Hero had still failed to bring Teme back for Pink Hair, and she still held onto her feelings for the deserter. Hero despaired. He wracked his brain for what more he could do, what more he could become to be able to finally clear this goal, and came up blank. When he really thought long and hard about it there _wasn't_ anything left for him to do besides bring home the Teme, and the more he thought on that, the less sure he was that he'd make it back home if he fought Teme again. And this shattered him.

Hero plunged head first into a depression so vast he could hardly remember better times, and nothing - not ramen, not power, not respect - could pull him out of it. He wasn't even Hero anymore and started to listen to the snarling voice in the back of his mind that taunted _You're Nobody. See? You'll always be Nobody_. and almost gave in until he heard another, friendlier voice tell him different. The other voice declared _You're Somebody to me_ and slowly, like waking from a deep slumber, he came out of his depression.

He didn't know who he was at first when he woke up. Was he still Hero? Had he regressed into Stray? He wasn't sure, but gradually he eased back into his life, slowly finding his place alongside the voice that had called out to him. As the time ticked by, he became happy again and finally had the one thing that had been missing in his life. With her, he felt loved. By her side, he could be the one person he'd never allowed himself to be.

After years of pretending to be other people, he could finally be Uzumaki Naruto.

* * *

A / N : Can't decide if it's NaruHina or NaruIno. Sister-fic to something else I'm working on.


End file.
